Emotional Regulation

This means understanding and managing one’s own emotions. The purpose of this is to ensure 1) that your feelings don’t control your actions. e.g. screaming at a loved one, speaking nasty words when angered, self-abuse, or sabotage when difficult feelings arise.

The other purpose of emotional regulation is to bring yourself back to emotional equilibrium after experiencing heavy or difficult emotions. Yet, to do so in a healthy way, for example: sitting with your emotions in stillness, letting yourself cry softly until the emotions begin to pass, breathing deeply, and organizing your thoughts before you speak, taking a warm shower, or expressing your emotions in a healthy way.

Emotional regulation helps you respond thoughtfully to intense emotions rather than acting impulsively.

Around the age of 2 to 5 years old, children start to learn basic self-soothing techniques.

Yet, children are in no way yet capable of emotional regulation on their own. It should be and needs to be always done in conjunction with the parents/caregivers.

The parents mirror to the child what healthy emotional regulation looks like and support the child in coming back to emotional equilibrium and balance.

The repetitive process of this, over many years as the child matures, is what makes the difference between an adult who is able to self-regulate vs. the adult who often reacts impulsively and inappropriately to his or her own intense feelings.